It's been about 6 months since I posted anything. 6 months ago, Jacob passed away. It has been so unreal. 1 year ago at this time we celebrated Jake's birthday. I remember sitting around the table...Me, Mom, Erin, Andy, Zach, Jake, Kaede...We ate pot roast..My mom made this big chocolate cake, and spelled out on the top was "18" in candy corn...(she's always been creative). I remember going to the store that day, and picking out the CD that I had seen earlier...I thought for sure he'd like it...I remember actually before the party making his birthday card...Oh yes homemade! I remember thinking as we sat around the table eating..that this was seriously the best family birthday...I remember it being so clear because this was the first time I had ever met Zach...and the entire time we ate it was all stories about Jake. Everyone had some crazy story about Jake when he was little...The nicknames he liked to be called...the weird things he liked to do...My mom of course had to tell the story of Jake's birth...It's tradition. The stories kept coming and coming...I remember watching Zach's face he was beat red from laughter...I thought, "oh my he is going to think we are so weird..." But he loved it! By the end of the dinner he was already telling Jake he was going to "use this information against him..just wait..." he said. I don't know why I felt so strongly that this was a moment to remember...I do remember thinking to myself, "Soak all this up your going to want to remember it" At the time I didn't think much of this though...I thought I love this because it's Jake's day...and he is so happy, he was practically crying he was laughing so hard.
When it was time to open gifts it was strange...It was like everyone had coordinated gifts and cards...Although this wasn't the case, everyone (aside from me and my home made card) had bought Jake a card referring to the fact that he was "the baby" Every card literally was for a 2-5 year old. Again the laughs were amazing...Jacob was our baby. After Jacob's passing I found all the cards we had given him neatly placed on his dresser..Almost like a keep sake.
Today as we celebrate his day, I ask that you honor Jake by doing something that my family has loved to do...laugh.
I cannot describe the anguish I feel when I hear about negative choices that are still being made by his friends and peers. I can only say to you this: What we have all experienced as a family, has been some of the most excruciating pain...what is mental can often feel physical. I say for your own families sake, think about the choices you make. As I had stated in my post immediately after Jacob passed, we hope that from this life cut too short that people will learn, that it will stop someone from making this same mistake. There is no easy way to say it or way that I feel like I can be gentle but I feel like I should point out that I have lost a brother...my parents have lost a son..because of the powerful and damaging effects of the drug OxyContin.
The reality of the situation is that maybe I wouldn't be typing a blog to wish my baby brother a happy birthday...I wouldn't be watching the people around me mourn in misery. I can only hope that this message rings clear with all of you.
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