Thursday, October 11, 2012

Life After the Age of 18






What does your life look like past 18? Out of high school, awkward dances, figuring out your friends, learning the freedom of driving, conquering your first job, and planning your future.


Life past 18 for many people is that time when you figure out who you are and what matters to you. If I were to look at my friends from my own teenage years, and look at them now, including myself we have all grown tremendously.  It is amazing how in such a short period of time people can change. It is transition from teenager to young adult.


Sometimes, my mind wonders and pictures the kind of "man" Jake would be now. That feels so odd to say, but I know the difference between 18 and 21 is great. Birthdays always seemed to be a big deal in my house. What made birthdays so great? 1. My mom would make you whatever kind of cake you wanted. 2. My mom would cook whatever your favorite dinner was... Some best parts of a birthday. The conversations that surrounded the dinner table during your birthday dinner were even better. Jake and our cousin Bill (Mom's side) had birthdays 7 years and 2 days apart, so when I think of October that is what I think of often a combo birthday celebration, some silly reference to Halloween or Jake only getting birthday cards that were truly meant for babies.


I can only imagine what kind of man Jake would be now. When we lost Jake he was going through a lot and seemed to have real hope for moving forward and finding his direction. I have no doubt that given the opportunity he would have conquered what seemed to stand in his way. If you knew Jake you knew that once his mind was made up that was it. He was going to do whatever it was.


I joked with Jake probably within the year he passed that I couldn't wait for him to turn 21 so we could actually go out together. He told me he could make that happen sooner.... (ugh, of course Jake!) I am by no means an expert at grieving or have all the wisdom to tell people how to recover from such a tragedy. I do however know that somedays, anniversaries, holidays, birthdays, etc. are better than others. This one seems to be tough- maybe because my mind is wondering what I thought today would look like 3 years ago when we celebrated his 18. I would have never imagined this.


It is funny how facebook's timeline truly is like a life documentary. I can go back and read old posts, and thank you facebook for making this easier to do. I remember for Jake's 17 birthday we actually went out to dinner and joked as always, but had some real conversation about his future, and what he wanted to do. I remember realizing, "Wow, he's not a little boy anymore." My post to him after dinner was "I'm so proud of you, and I love you very much." What a great reminder of the good moments too.

Cheers to Jake,
Rachel